I have half a mind to write an entire Covid themed episode of NEWHART. But until then, enjoy these 2 1/2 pages.
I’m excited to announce the launch of my new contest: “Spot Anthony in ‘Here Comes the Boom.'”
As you’re probably aware, I was an extra in the soon to be released Kevin James film. The first person to spot me in my scene (or scenes(?)) can send me a Facebook message through my fan page detailing exactly where I am in the movie and win a bevy of prizes, including:
One (1) signed headshot
One (1) retweet of one of your tweets to my 270 followers
I will change my Facebook profile picture to a picture of the two of us for one (1) day
For those unfamiliar with the “Super Mario Brothers Super Show,” it was a half hour commercial for a video game disguised as a TV series. Most episodes followed the same premise: King Koopa does something evil that is also a parody of something from pop culture, the Mario Brothers fight him, he runs away, and kids’ brains melt just a little bit more. It was on the air for a mind-numbing 65 episodes before being canceled.
Almost every episode featured some “Koopa”-related pun that drove the plot forward. Sometimes the puns worked great (“RoboKoopa” (Also, why did the writers think a parody of an R-Rated movie would be a ripe target for a children’s cartoon?)). Other times, they were more of a stretch (Darth Koopa (Did they even try on that one?)). In case Nintendo is interested in producing more episodes for the series, I’ve saved the writers some work here, compiling a list of Koopa-related puns.
Alice Koopa: King Koopa starts a rock band with the expressed purpose of corrupting the youth of the Mushroom Kingdom. When the Mario Brothers attempt to stop Koopa and his devil music, the Mushroom children quickly reject their former saviors as old fogies who can’t understand youth culture and use expressions like “old fogies.” Koopa is ultimately undone by the excesses of fame and the pressures of constantly having to one-up the shock value of his live performances.
Francis Ford Koopala: After directing the critically acclaimed hit film “The Koopfather,” King Koopa embarks on a far more ambitious film titled “ApoKoopalypse Now.” He casts Mario in the lead, with Luigi in Dennis Hopper’s role, and unbeknownst to them, uses real, bloodthirsty Koopa Troopas as the enemy combatants. The stress from producing the film, however, slowly drives King Koopa to a nervous breakdown. He takes off into the jungles, where he becomes a bloated god-figure to the Koopas and Lakitu.
Sterling-Koopa-Draper-Pryce: King Koopa starts an advertising firm with the sole purpose of starting a smear campaign against the Mario Brothers, but ends up succumbing to his own inner demons, which include alcoholism, womanizing and the fractured quest for his own identity.
C. Everett Koopa: King Koopa is named Surgeon General and immediately outlaws the use of Fire Flowers, Stars and Frog Suits on the grounds that they are potentially cancer-causing. He also grows a stylish, Civil War style beard and begins wearing bow-ties. His plan backfires, however, when their new “outlaw” status only makes them more popular.
Hanging With Mr. Koopa: King Koopa begins writing, directing, producing and starring in his own 90s sitcom, “Hanging with Mr. Koopa,” based in part on his stand-up act. Koopa becomes so focused on producing the series that he forgets exactly what role it would have played in his overall scheme to kill the Mario Brothers, or kidnap the princess, or whatever it was that he planned on doing. The show is a hit with audiences and is on the air for five years.
Koop Your Enthusiasm: In this episode, Koopa is a successful comedy writer living in L.A. with his wife, played by Cheryl Hines. He doesn’t so much scheme against the Mario Brothers as accidentally set in a motion a series of faux pas that lead to embarrassment and awkward situations for all involved. Also, for some reason, Koopa is Jewish in this episode.
If anyone is interested in buying a copy of my novel, “The King of All Koopa Puns,” send me a message, and I’ll begin writing it.