Musings on Watson

I can’t stop thinking about Watson, the terrifying, Jeopardy-dominating, apocalyptic computer designed by IBM. But conquering the soft, squishy humans on Jeopardy was really only the first step for Watson.

Watson’s true test will be whether or not he’ll be able to parlay his fame for years to come or will he simply fade into oblivion, like so many other would-be celebrity robots. The IBM scientists that built the creepy computer need to strike now, while the iron is still hot, or possibly forfeit their fifteen minutes of fame. To save them time, and provide some inspiration, I’ve put together a short list of reality TV vehicles that would be perfect for Watson.

And if anyone in Hollywood is reading, I’m more than happy to discuss these titles. My only demand is to share co-executive producer credit with Watson.

Watson: The simplest option. A docu-drama/reality TV show that gives a backstage look at the life of Watson. Episodes could focus on issues like how Watson’s inner workings function, or the fact that the IBM scientists are thinly veiled show biz parents, forcing their robo-child into a life of performance, when he would be much happier staying in and playing a game of Minesweeper.

RAM of Love: This single-camera reality show would place Watson in a mansion, along with ten to twenty other single computers. It would cast Watson as “a lonely computer looking for the female-end to his USB port.”

Keeping Up With the Memory Cardashians: A series chronicling the misadventures of Watson and his sister computers. Also featuring Bruce Jenner.

Internet Pawn: In this proposed show, Watson owns a pawn-shop, using his vast trivia database to accurately price items brought in by people and then low-ball them. Unfortunately, because the title is a pun, it runs the risk of slowly driving Watson insane, ending with a killing spree.

American Idol: Instead of the celebrities or whatever they have judging, they could simply replace them with a cold, efficient computer system. Imagine Watson sitting beside Ellen DeGeneres and Howard Stern and whoever else is a judge, scientifically explaining why each contestant lacks charisma or sings sharp.

Jersey Shore-Bot: Watson, along with a group of other young guido-bots, rents a house on the Jersey Shore, which leads to long nights of drinking, downloading systems from other computers without protection, and going into hot tubs (which is just as dangerous for a computer).

Real Housewives of IBM: Alright, I’ll be honest. I’ve never seen a TV show that begins with “Real Housewives,” so I don’t actually know what goes on during these shows. But the idea of a talking computer on anything is funny to me.